Grieve

people come and go
we never know
the good and the bad
all in the same bed
always knew how to brake
never knew how to fix
never turning back
'till you got pain on your back

good people come, you go
bad people come, you follow
insanity-red-rose spreads
morality-white-jasmine fades

paper turns to dust
rice turns to mush
regrets, begs, tears are all shown
try and try, 'till them dry

the time keeps tick-tocking
never realizing
years into months
months into weeks
weeks into days
days into hours
hours into seconds
seconds into an end

leaves started to fall on the fall
the sun rises in the morning,
set down in the evening
no everlasting, no happy ending

The Loneliness Feeling (English Version Editted)

                Hello, wise people.. Today's post isn't about a happening thing in my life, it's just another version of my previous post's which titled The Loneliness Feeling. What makes this post different with the previous version? I guess It'll only be on the language which I put on. But I don't know either, I could add a bit on it too, right? Because there is one of my best friends, Dicky Kurniawan  asked me to make The Loneliness Feeling in English version. So, here I am making this new version. I bet there won't be a big different between the two of them. So, wise people.. Here we go . . .

A loneliness… An emptiness … or any different word that can describe this feeling.. Or should I said that most of Javanese's teenagers whose living nearby my city are get used to name it suwung. For some of them who called themselves a modern people thought and assumed that being lonely is only for those whose broken hearted or don't even mind to have a boy/girl friend (in relationship, I mean). Hell to the low, hello?! Being lonely doesn't need to be on that typical state of mind. You don't need to be brokenhearted first if you want to feel this horrible feeling. You don't need to get yourself on serious trouble too. Oh my gosh, please don't!

         Though this author right here, also a single girl without any boys accompany. Haha LOL. Well, stop talking about me, let's go back to my post! A loneliness feeling is a mixed feelings among confusedness, sadness, stress, and every suffer  which happened to everyone though somehow the loneliness feeling which happened to every people are different. This feeling could come in any of the time, we can't predict. It may happen to our lives when our surrounded are in a crowded situation, but our heart still feel a damn emptiness. I bet it's like a nightmare in a daylight. Silence… where no one wants to have a chitchat with you or an emptiness which coming out of no where. Yea, it sucks! But it happens to me like almost all the time of my life. 

In a place full of people, I feel like I am being the unknown, the left one, the freaking stranger.

Though sometimes I got people I know on my own, but they don't seem to understand even care for me. It's sad, when I always be there for them (my best one) but where the hell they are? Never heard a thing from them..  Who only come to me whenever they need me, only! Never ask how am I doing every single day I've been through, who always be gone whenever this damn feeling came to me… Am I asking too much for their caring to me? Till I make them sick at mad at me. Don’t know, I can't see through their heart. But was I wrong to ask such as thing? What a best friend's for then? If not to make their own best friend happy and have this world together in any kind of situation.

Every time I feel bored and lonely at school, I always wanted to go home as fast as I could. Cause

I'm hoping if I'm at home I won't be feeling this terrible situation of loneliness. You know why? Cause I'm tired and can't stand to this situation anymore…

Home, a place where I could be me , a place where I could get my own happiness with my little

family :) Fyi, I don't have any friend with the same age as mine but a boy next door, Aziz  with his girl cousin, Dimas. My friendship with Aziz has already happened since we were babies. Both Aziz and Dimas are kind and good to me, they also kind of make me laugh even when I don't want it to. And because of some sort of reason we already known for each of our characters.

             This loneliness feeling keep on coming to me, 24/7. In some unknown reason, this feeling also comes to me whenever I have finished my work for school, have nothing to watch, being left alone at home, and… when I miss some certain person. Not a special one, indeed..  But this guy could make me smile, laugh, hate, calm, and cry whenever I told him my sad story. Unfortunately, his not himself anymore from the moment I met him for the first time. I know he's busy nowadays… Yea, knowing that he's a chief of MPK this year. But I never thought that thing could change him real fast. His just… not him anymore…

And there is another guy, he's no one else but one of my best friends. For me, he's not just a best

friend. Cause for me, he's like a big bro… The way he gave me advices of my problems and my attitude which sounds like a big brother whom I never have. But now he become someone else I don't even recognize, he's becoming a very cold person… Maybe, that's because he has already a girl who filled   his empty heart. If truth be told, I don't like his new girlfriend -_- not because I was jealous over her, but I hate her that she turned my big bro into a cold guy

But I'll try my best to deal with this loneliness situation no matter what.. And mostly my best way

to deal with this situation are sleeping, listening to random music on my phone, doing crazy dancing, even crying, and some stupid things you may think of which can make me smile and forget about this damn feeling.. THE END

XoXo,

Author  

A Lesson ...

Hi there, my bittersweet journal. I  guess it's been a long time since my last writing, right? I know, I know that you miss me so much. You know I do too :) you know I'm still having my holiday on my own and lately I've been watching for some Korean dramas. It's kinda lonesome whenever I watched it. You know, I always feel this kind of emptiness feeling. I feel like I have no one to call, I have no one who I could talk to and even more I have no one to color-up my days.

But you also know that whenever I watched, whether it's just a movie or Korean drama  which I know all of 'em are FAKE or a FANTACY, FICTION…. Somehow I learn something from 'em too.. Mostly I learn about "HOW TO FACE THIS CRUEL WORLD, WISELY"… I know, it may sounds overreacting but it is how it is! I learn about how we should love someone, how we should not keep a grudge on anyone, how we should keep our promises no matter what happened, how to stick with our own principle, and others.

I just watched these dramas. And there is something that captured my eyes, "Don't spend your life in hostility. After someone was born into this cruel world, your life wasn't long enough to love each others, right?" those sentences made me realize on how we should love each others without hating each other. 'cause you'll never know when is it gonna be your "time" (to be kicked off of this cruel world)

So good people,  don't you ever dare to mess with your life. Use your time for goodness, loving each others with no hating on each others, and be grateful on whatever God already gave us ^^